Whenever I think of the word whatever I automatically recall a drunken Noel Gallagher eating fast food fries and shrugging on the set of Oasis's Whatever video. To me there is nothing more whatever than that. Being the biggest band on earth for however briefly/long and filming a music video with a string instrument chamber group of some sort, and you turn up so inebriated you barely remember the shoot. But forever you are there eating French fries while people play the cello and violin behind you. And the lyrics repeating whatever you say/whatever you do/yeah I know it's alright.
I have tried over the past several months. You have too.
Maybe you'd made a big success out of it. I have not.
What do people talk about these days? It's been so long since I had a real conversation. Even at work nothing matters or makes sense. Dialogue could be run backwards with the same result. As heavy as it all is and as much it would seem there is so much to beat to death, away from social media people stutter through attempts at piecing together what's been going on. We are at work to get some money and to maintain a facade of normalcy. The outside world might be burning, but when the security arm opens for us at the parking garage, it's a cool safe harbor we arrive at. That's really what keeps us returning.
While I'm there moaning about wasting my time when I could be working on art or helping my kids with their school work, I am also feeling the solidity of the floor with my feet, the hardness of my desk, and appreciating their reliability. That has been my state of being since mid-March. I'd hoped for something grand to arrive from the days folding over onto one another in crepe paper slices like making croissants from scratch, each blending so seamlessly with the rest that it's a great surprise when they rise and burst apart fat and delicious in the oven.
In the oven of the heat of August in Texas, nothing mouthwatering occurred.
And so I'm done waiting for something of value to write at the blog or my store to be open before I utter another word. Instead, September will be whatever (whatever *that* means). I'll be here frequently, learning to share pictures properly on Weebly (it's very clunky imo) and just rambling a lot I suppose. Nothing too heavy. For example, I'll save the meaning of life for at least November.